What to do if sex with a husband is not attractive?

The birth of a child turns the whole life of new parents. Even the question “Who am I?” They give a completely different answer. Not to mention the intimate sphere in which this event passes through a bulldozer.

For many women, unfortunately, the birth of a child becomes a kind of “watershed” of intimate life on the “before” and “after”. “I do not want sex with my husband,” “My husband does not excite me,” “The husband no longer attracts me as a man.” Under these phrases hundreds and thousands of women will subscribe. They will subscribe with pain and bitterness, realizing how destructive such a situation is for a relationship.  

Even if you still want sex with your husband, still read to the end so that your intimate life does not fade over the years. It is necessary to take preventive measures , otherwise, as the English say, gravity wins (gravity wins). Let’s do it together! 

“I do not want sex with my husband.” A very delicate, painful topic for many women. Although it would be more correct to call it a problem. A complex problem arising from many factors. One article cannot solve it or even change it fundamentally. Let’s just look at it from a different angle, and perhaps a new solution can still be found. 

So what do we really mean when we say: “Sex with my husband does not appeal to me”? “I DO NOT WANT SEX AT ALL”? Or maybe, “I DO NOT ATTRACTED AT SEX WITH THIS MAN AT ALL”? However, such cases are quite rare. Most often, we mean that we do not want sex SO , on such conditions, in such circumstances, at such a time. 

For example, “I am not attracted to sex if you hint at it rudely / too floridly / mundane / boring / demanding.” Or “I do not want to have sex if before that you offended / screamed me.” There can be many options; this is all very individual. One thing is important: in any case, it’s not about the fact that we don’t want sex AT ALL, but about the fact that we don’t specifically want something like this. This may be something completely petty, related to physiology or everyday life. However, many women do not want sex in a situation “if you shouted at me before that.”

Sexologists say that for a woman, a prelude begins in the morning. A morning kiss, warm communication throughout the day, a sense of emotional unity give rise to sexual desire within a woman. Conversely, conflicts, resentment, neglect, ignoring “kill” the desire to physiologically express their love. Everything else is very, very variable.  

Thus, the problem of unwillingness of physical intimacy with the husband can be transformed into three tasks and try to solve them sequentially. Although each of them is very difficult.

The first task is to determine in what situations sex with a husband is unpleasant, to understand how I DO NOT WANT . The second is to find out how I WANT ? What do I want instead of what I have now? And accordingly, the third task is to somehow very intelligibly and correctly explain to the husband everything that was understood to yourself and your sex.        

The first task is the ability to understand and feel. Pay close attention to yourself, realizing and accepting the sensations that your body and soul experience during intimacy.

The solution to the second problem is fraught with an inevitable period of uncertainty when it is already clear what you don’t want, but it’s still not known how it should be. In every possible way welcome in yourself this uncertainty and boldly explore how and what you like. The results can be amazing and make your life more colorful!

The third task is the most risky. What you learn about yourself, you need to correctly convey to your husband . In words, gestures, even pictures – you know best of all how easy it is to reach your beloved. But no matter how correctly and accurately you do it, there is always a chance that your husband will not like your desires, they will simply go beyond his comfort zone.    

According to the German sexologist Ulrich Clement, when you bring something new to an already established long-term relationship, telling what and how you want, there is always a chance to be misunderstood and cause resentment of your husband: “did everything suit you before that?”

But this is exactly the case when “the game is worth the candle.” The gain can be huge not only for you as a woman, but also for your partner. Contrary to popular belief, men are happy to please a woman in bed. Do not deprive yourself of inspirational, satisfying sexual relationships.

Take the first step – find out what exactly does not appeal to you in sex with your husband, on what conditions and in what circumstances you do not want him. The main thing is to start and everything will work out!

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