There are people who feel ashamed about sex or naked body. They are uncomfortable making love, they do not accept affection in the light of day. How to cope with shame and guilt in bed? How to explain what is happening to a partner?
Intimate relationships exist in the lives of most adults, there is nothing special and abnormal in this. But there are people who feel this differently. To change not thinking, but namely sensations, you need to understand the reasons for this perception.
Sexologists say that a sense of shame arises in childhood. And improper upbringing forms a negative attitude towards the body and physical contacts. It is worth understanding what exactly caused such a reaction in order to understand. The most common scenarios are:
- Adults forbade touching the genitals, considered them “dirty.” For example, in a kindergarten they could forbid to keep hands under a blanket. Or the parents refused to name the genitals somehow, blushed at their mention. Bans or lack of awareness have formed a negative attitude towards parts of your body.
- The child was scolded for interest in his own body, masturbation. The condemnation, the punishment for pleasure, became an injury that hinders making love in adulthood. Shame on parents catching or severe experience of punishment for “masturbation” can ruin your life.
- There was a situation of ridiculing the body. Most often, children are humiliated for the features of the body, for example, they laughed at the shape of the body or its individual parts. And this became an occasion to hide the body even in adulthood.
Such injuries are not uncommon in a society where there is no decent sex education. And dealing with them is very difficult. The ideal solution is to work through a problem with a psychologist.
How to change attitude, remove shame
To begin with, it is worth recalling the situation that caused a stormy reaction. It is important to remember the moment when this feeling arose for the first time. It can be a clear memory, causing discomfort, or hidden, which does not lie on the surface.
And when the traumatic situation is determined, you need to look at it through the eyes of an adult. It is necessary to rethink what is happening, to understand that at that moment the people around were not right. Psychologists advise talking to your “inner child” who experienced this situation, explaining to him a different point of view, and also letting him know that he was not abandoned at the time of shame .
Awareness and study of the injury will reduce the feeling of guilt or shame, but will not completely remove it. In the future, another period of acceptance of the body and sexuality will be required. But when the main step is taken, the rest happens much easier.
How to explain shame to a partner
About the recollection you need to tell your loved one. He must understand the essence of the injury so that sex is comfortable. And it is a loved one who can help get out of limiting beliefs.
If you leave him or her in ignorance, this will also cause a lot of questions, can be the reason for misunderstanding and even more trauma.
How to overcome the limitations
There are a number of exercises that help you better feel the body, begin to react differently to touch and proximity. You need to perform them regularly, focusing on the sensations.
- Sleep without clothes. This will allow you to feel the touch in a new way. The first experiments will seem uncomfortable, but in a couple of weeks it will become very comfortable.
- Walk naked. When no one is around, bare. You can walk around the house without clothes all the time, but a few minutes a day. It is recommended to approach the mirror and praise your body.
- Cut the darkness. If sex has always been under the covers, start to unfold or light candles. Gradually get used to the opportunity to experiment. But do everything gradually, without injuries.
People who feel shame should also rethink the wardrobe. Often it is very closed. A gradual change will also help cope with discomfort.