One wise man confessed that he could not understand three things in the world: the path of a snake on earth, the path of an eagle in the sky, and the path of a man to a woman’s heart. Modern girls have their own trio of similar vital questions: what to wear today, what color to dye your hair and what manicure to do, and how to send a guy off.
And if it is still possible to answer the first two, then the situation with the latter is worse. No matter how many ways and methods of “ letting go ” exist – funny and beautiful, cultural and original, the question of how to send off a person you don’t like will always be relevant even for a self-confident girl.
Indeed, the ability to say “no” without hurting a guy and not feeling guilty is important and necessary: just remember how you felt when you heard a refusal in response to your confessions … Our article is dedicated to this eternal girlish problem – how to send off the one you don’t like in various everyday situations.
The nuances of a competent “lapel”
To begin with, you should clearly understand what we are talking about. In online correspondence, on the street or in a cafe, bar, club, you will behave differently than with an old friend who confessed to romantic feelings, however, these behaviors are united by one feature: politeness, honesty, clarity and specificity.
Yes, a rare girl will refuse to flirt, especially if she feels desired, but in this situation, flirting is inappropriate. The longer you delay, put off or flirt with a guy, asserting yourself at his expense, the worse it will turn out for yourself in the end, so decisiveness and unambiguous wording are important here – even if for selfish reasons.
If we are talking about how to beautifully send off a guy who wants to get acquainted, then it’s enough to choose a comfortable or natural behavior for yourself and just stick to it. There are many ways to scare a stranger away:
- boorish or harsh.
The latter should be resorted to only when other methods have not helped. At the same time, you need to choose the “ rebate ” option based on the specific situation, the main thing is to remain calm and answer politely.
Some sewing tips
Here are the most popular ways to ” rebate ” from the category of cultural:
- Agreed to employment – for example:
- “I’m in a hurry”, etc.;
- “Not in the mood, sorry”;
- “I have a boyfriend/husband”;
- “I have a child”.
The last two “blanks” may be false, but in a certain context it is quite acceptable.
- Ask a stranger for a phone number, promise to call back and do not fulfill the promise, or dictate any set of numbers to him under the guise of your own number. The main thing at the same time is not to accidentally give the phone number of a loved one. As an option – though not very ethical – give him the number of a person you don’t like.
- Pay no attention to the slides.
Of the funny and beautiful ways, they often advise:
- Pretend to be a little crazy – in the good sense of the word, calling on acting skills to help.
- Be mercantile, start a conversation about money, the financial situation of the guy, your own problems and react depending on his answers, so that in the end he sees you as a prudent person.
- Talk about nothing, so that they see in you a superficial person with whom it is unlikely to be interesting. And even if in fact you are not like that, the main thing is to make sure that you are left behind.
- Immediately talk about your family, best invented, inserting phrases like: “Finally, my children will have a dad, they lack male influence so much …” Such conversations immediately cool the ardor of a possible boyfriend.
- Come up with an orientation for yourself: they say, I’m a lesbian or transgender. You can treat both of them with great respect, but it’s unlikely that any guy will want to continue after what he heard, and a couple of fun minutes are guaranteed to you.
- Silence – more precisely, taciturnity. Answer in monosyllables, make it clear that he is superfluous here, and you are not looking for acquaintances. Even an obsessive man does not like to feel like a fool, so this option is one of the most effective.
These methods can also come in handy if you have to send a guy off in a cafe, bar or club. Of course, you can no longer refer to busyness and haste, but everything else plus resourcefulness and wit …
How to say no to an ex or “married man”
It often happens like this: you met a guy, you like him, but suddenly it turns out that he has a family. What you do depends on your upbringing, values and principles. If an affair with a married man is acceptable for you, well, this is your life, but you will probably have to get out of the possible difficulties on your own.
But if this is unacceptable for you, there is only one way out: quickly stop communicating. In this case, you don’t even need to look for special phrases: it’s enough to say that dating a married man is not in your rules.
You can resume communication and, if feelings have not cooled down yet, you can build relationships only if the person you like is left alone.
Another common situation is the need to send off your ex-man who decided to return. It all depends on the nature of your relationship and parting: you can scare him off gently, you can – sharply.
For the first case, the “compliment – thought – compliment” scheme is ideal: remember your past with a kind word, but add that you are not sure about the future. Any arguments will come in handy, the main thing is to do it tactfully, without degrading anyone’s dignity. If you are dear to a guy, he will listen to your opinion, but if he insists, show reciprocal persistence. The same “compliment – thought (or fact) – compliment” scheme is also advised to be used when you need to refuse a close friend who confessed romantic feelings to you.
For a sharp option, it is often advised to use phrases like “I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I do not want to change him to something else.” But if desired, even such a refusal can be presented in such a way as not to offend your ex-man.
How to culturally and beautifully send off a guy by correspondence
Turning down a guy on the Internet seems like nothing could be easier, right? However, there are rules here too. Basically, they intersect with what we talked about earlier, but other options are also possible – for example:
- “I realized that we are not a couple”;
- “I met another man”;
- “We have great communication, but as a couple we are not suitable for each other.”
You should not write a long message listing all the reasons, just choose one suitable one to harmlessly send off an online acquaintance. If this fails, the only way out is to ignore it.
A look from the other side
A lot of materials and videos tell girls how to gently send a guy off, but almost all of them represent a female perspective on the problem.
It is all the more valuable to find out how men themselves advise to act in such cases. Their main advice is:
- create an atmosphere of confidential conversation, stay alone with the guy. No need to leave it with friends or girlfriends who are supposedly needed for moral support. Any relationship, even friendships, is a matter of two, and it is worth ending them without witnesses;
- be honest and sincere, do not get off with words like “It’s not about you, but about me”;
- be persistent. If a guy convinces you that it is better to keep the relationship and he is ready to do everything for this – do not give in if you are not going to give a second chance;
- make you hate for a while. This is a tough option, but sometimes it’s impossible otherwise;
- let him go with dignity: you still hurt, no matter what words you choose;
- Don’t start a new relationship until the old one is over. If after the breakup you quickly found another guy, make sure that the previous one does not know about it for the first time.
Often, girls, wanting to soften the refusal, offer to remain friends, but few of the guys are able to find the strength to maintain such a format. In addition, you yourself may feel uncomfortable knowing that you hurt a person who meant a lot to you.
Therefore, if you reject a guy, it means that it is better not to maintain any communication with him. You can only resume it if something changes in your life and you change your mind, but be prepared for the fact that they can send you off, and not at all out of revenge.
A few “not”
If you managed to delicately send a guy off, here are a few rules for further behavior:
- do not pour mud on him in the eyes of mutual acquaintances. Let him not be shy about epithets at your address and take revenge in various ways – do not stoop to such a level;
- do not give in to pity, no matter how much it hurts;
- don’t feel guilty about not liking him;
- do not settle for friendship if the guy’s interest in you is still beyond its scope;
- do not give up hope, even if you yourself have not figured it out yet.
Perhaps one day you will see your soul mate in the person you refused. But right now it is not worth talking about vague prospects, deceiving yourself and him.
The methods that we talked about are universal, but not the only ones: life gives rise to many situations when you need to send off a person that you don’t like for some reason.
Many girls who have had to do this have their own methods of “ rejecting ”, born of improvisation, resourcefulness, momentary circumstances or personal relationships. If you have such friends, ask them to share their own experience – what if it comes in handy?