Family problems. Where does sex go?

A decrease in physical attraction to each other in a pair is a fairly common phenomenon. And even taken for granted, after all, everyone knows that after a candy-bouquet period “harsh everyday life” sets in and sexual desire is lost in the pool of everyday problems. 

And if we talk about the period after the birth of the baby, then there are no questions – it seems that sex from relationships disappears in a completely natural way. Tired young parents, exhausted by sleepless nights and a new role for themselves … What kind of physical closeness can there be?    

But where do manifestations of physical intimacy, attraction between partners disappear ? After all, there is no desire for physical contact in principle, hugs, kisses, touch also come to naught … How can fatigue to such an extent affect the warmth and closeness in a couple?     

If we consider the presence of physical intimacy from the simplest point of view, we can explain the cooling of relations in a couple with fatigue, lack of time, complexes about the figure that changed after childbirth and other, rather simple, factors. If you look at the problem more broadly, it becomes clear that the cooling of family relations is due to other reasons and lies in the plane of emotional, psychological, which means that everything can be fixed if desired.    

Usually in pairs where the partners have cooled to each other, there is no spiritual contact. Outwardly, there is communication, some common interests, on the social level everything is fine, but at the level of feelings people have already ceased to be as close as before. Separation in family life does not occur in one day, it is a gradual process in which both partners take part, usually unconsciously – one day you may find that you have not embraced for several years, that, unfortunately, your former closeness and trust have been lost. And when this happened, no one even remembers … “It seems that we no longer love each other …” – but where could love go? Love and ease in relationships have long been replaced by tension, which prevents one from experiencing romantic feelings for each other.    

We are not taught that it is possible to love and be angry at the same time . These are two very strong and very opposite feelings. Therefore, in order to maintain the possibility of another person to love, you must necessarily learn to live your negative feelings, freeing up a place for love in the soul. 

Suppressed anger interferes with intimacy between partners. In each pair, where there is a distance and coldness in the relationship, there is a baggage of accumulated negative experience, breaking through which towards each other will be the more problematic the more it gets. What to do? Talk. Say everything that happened, every situation, do not ignore problems in the relationship, discuss your feelings, identify yourself, be honest with yourself and your partner.

Usually how does it happen? If you don’t want intimacy, the person pushes the partner away, turns away from him, hurting him and experiencing guilt – well, I have to, but for some reason I can’t. The skill to discuss what is happening, to turn in time for help to a specialist who will help restore understanding and learn to hear each other, can literally save the family. It is unfortunate that the pairs break up due to cooling to each other, cheating, distance, which could have been avoided.   

Lack of attraction in a pair is a symptom with which you can work. Clinging to which, you can unravel a whole tangle of family problems. To sort out feelings, learn to resolve constructively conflicts, learn to defend one’s borders. And also take a critical look at yourself in order to acquire your own life, interests, goals, objectives, and begin to fully live your life. To become an interesting person, first of all for yourself, and then the partner’s interest in you will appear by itself. This will inevitably affect the sexual sphere.  

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