I’m making love in a city center full of people.
He doesn’t even think about sex until his girlfriend puts on stockings and high-heeled shoes.
She imagines herself in bed with a stranger …
What are these erotic thoughts talking about?
All our sexual fantasies, even the most daring ones, are a matter of everyday life. All of us, often or on occasion, of our own free will or involuntarily invent different sex scenes in our imaginations. Among them there are many who assist us in our intimate relationship with a partner. Each of us fantasizes to our liking, but all the same, all scenarios can be divided conditionally into two groups: “creative” – those that bring creative variety to sexual life, and those with whose help we avoid internal obstacles that interfere with our sexuality.
Sexual fantasies in an already begun relationship will make you more courageous and relaxed. This is a kind of “drink for courage.” Fantasy scenes become such aphrodisiacs, support attraction, and help make pleasure even stronger. If you and your partner manage to share your fantasies with each other, it will bring you very close.
About the fantasy of rape
As a child, 35-year-old Yulia, a music teacher, simply loved to act out abduction scenes like in Angelica, the Marquis of Angels. Now, when she has matured, she imagines all the time such fragments: “I am a little girl, I was grabbed by rude men …”. When Julia makes love and does not imagine something like that, she becomes bored in bed or even unpleasant. She feels like a piece of meat. For Yulia, such pictures are a kind of helpers that help to overcome her latent aversion to sex. The woman sincerely does not understand where she got these fantasies from and does not at all connect them with her childhood.
“Such sexual fantasies are the result of strict upbringing,” says sex therapist Muriel Dagmar. – When such people become adults, they do not allow themselves to receive true pleasure, it is easier for them to accept it when they imagine that they are forced to feel it. In this way they are freed from the feeling of guilt. ” Women who imagine violence are most often afraid of real violence. And fantasy scenes help them eliminate their fears.
Blindfolded sex with many partners
Eugene, a 45-year-old photographer, when he has sex with his beloved, always imagines that he is sitting on a chair with his eyes tied with a scarf, and his companion and her girlfriends take turns taking possession of him. This is actually a fairly typical type of fantasy that frees us from our fears. Psychoanalyst Catherine Anthony believes that “scenes of sex with many partners, when their faces are not visible, and you are blindfolded, are only echoes of the experiences of infancy: this is the helplessness of a newborn in the face of an omnipotent mother. To add this crowded and at the same time faceless female image to your erotic fantasy, to get pleasure from it is a way to deprive the image of its threatening power. “
Erotic fantasies often serve as a “safety net” for us, saving us from moral and social onslaught. Imagining that you are having sex during a meeting, just at work, or even in the reception room of your superiors is a kind of “send far and long” social conventions that put pressure on us.
A man and several women
Differences in female and male fantasies
For men, eroticism is most often embodied in visual images, it is very easy for them to start fantasizing. A pretty girl on the street, a touch on public transport – and the imagination is right there. Basically, their direction is weak: they often borrow predictable scenes from pornography (for example, close-up sex).
The women in this lady are completely different. Their imaginary scenarios are already created in the arms of a partner and accompany orgasm, and sometimes become a prerequisite for it. Their fantasies are individual, they have a lot of details, sometimes they are not as erotic as those of men. In many ways, their desire is fueled by a romantic setting, passionate whispers that excite their fantasy as much as their feelings. Women’s sexual fantasies change over the years. And women also hide their fantasies not because they are ashamed, but because they are afraid to seem unreliable, windy, unvirtuous. After all, if men dream of seeing in a woman the features of the Madonna and a woman of easy virtue at the same time, then they leave the right to fantasize on sexual topics only to the latter.
Other erotic fantasies can also protect us from oppressive social conventions. The journalist Boris gets very aroused when he imagines that his partner is having sex with another before having sex with him. And here we are talking about unconscious homosexuality and the fear of betrayal of his beloved, says Catherine Anthony. By giving a woman to another, a man, as it were, becomes the head of the situation, anticipates possible betrayal and gets rid of the fear that his unconscious attraction to men instills in him.
A woman and several men
25-year-old Igor gets turned on only by the fact that women wear high-heeled shoes. Psychoanalysts believe that high heels are a symbol of a woman’s missing male organ. Igor would risk in practice looking for what heels mean if his partner did not have them.
Woman in high-heeled shoes
The incest taboo is another subconscious obstacle. Roman, a young race car driver, always loved his mother and sisters very much. They are all brunettes with brown eyes. The guy in his youth met only with blue-eyed blondes. And he married the same. The unconscious fear of breaking a taboo (attraction to sisters or mothers) pushes many men to women who are absolutely different from their relatives.
Some erotic fantasies are aimed at slightly raising low self-esteem. When Polina, a 30-year-old nurse, fondles herself, she imagines herself as a stripper. In life, she is very squeezed and shy, but her fantasies even have a variety: either she slowly undresses to the music while a neighbor is spying on her, then she dances near a pole in front of many men.
But the programmer Alice, twice divorced, enjoys imagining herself pregnant. She considers this to be the highest form of femininity. And the locksmith Sasha, having come to the apartment of a young woman to fix the tap, imagines that the clients are dying of passion for him. Psychoanalyst Sophia Kadlen is confident that fantasies help them to replenish the self-confidence that is so lacking.
Beautiful pregnant woman
In life or in dreams?
Do you need to fulfill your sexual fantasies? It depends on their content. Those that are dangerous, in which there is pedophilia or violence, should remain fantasies. If we are talking about sadomaso – only the dreamer himself can decide whether such sex is suitable for him or not. But there is no guarantee that fictional scenarios will bring the same pleasure in life as in imagination.
38-year-old Katrin made her dream come true: “Once on the Internet I found a man who wanted to have sex with a stranger. Our desires were very similar. When I entered the hotel, it turned out that he came before me. It was dark, I could not see his face. We drank champagne and had sex all night long. His touch was very gentle. I never saw this man again, but after a few years I remember this date as something amazing. And I am still excited by this. “
Who has not dreamed of finding out the sexual fantasies of a loved one and bringing them to life? But we are ashamed to speak about our desires openly. Especially if the satellite is not given the main role in them. Telling about something is the first step towards realizing your desires. But starting such a conversation is only with the person who, in your opinion, is able to understand you and share your fantasies. Otherwise, your revelation may remain unanswered or, even worse, push your loved one away from you.
Good, but in moderation
Even the simplest fantasies, with their frequent imagination, can harm our psyche. Psychoanalysts warn: for some people, fictional scenarios often turn into addiction and become just one way to get an orgasm.
Catherine Antoni talks about a patient who, since adolescence, was engaged in self-satisfaction and looked at magazines with pornographic photos. Now, having matured, he has become a prisoner of his fantasies. At 24, he cannot start a relationship and remains a virgin. Fantasies should help us overcome shyness and be enjoyable, but we shouldn’t let them lead us.
And some people do not want to imagine something erotic at all, they believe that this is not normal. But this is not the case. Erotic desires are not always apparent. For example, one of the hidden ways to get sexual emotions is hobby for women’s romance.
There are also people who have a normal sex life without the help of fantasy. Sexologist Yves Ferroul says: “They were lucky! They are completely satisfied with their sex life and sexual partner. “
Dear Readers! Imagine, share sex scenes of your imagination, bring them to life! Do not hesitate, because this will bring bright colors to the gray everyday life. The main thing is not to overdo it!