It often happens that we have a false sense of duty or guilt, which leads to the decision to go on about emotions and agree to sex, which is unlikely to be pleasant. Moreover, when there is no desire for it.
Then why do we tend to do such things? After all, more often than not, we do not even think about the consequences of such a step, or in other words, whether it will be for someone’s benefit? As a rule, more often than not, no. After all, if we do not have sex for the sake of procreation, then we have sex for the sake of pleasure. And if such is not foreseen, then what is the point?
Exactly – nothing. Nevertheless, each of us has come across such a phenomenon as sex as a favor at least once in our life. And this is not about when you ended up in the role of a “supplicant”, but on the contrary, when circumstances force you, and if you are honest with yourself, it’s not them, but your own infantilism and irresponsibility, pushing you to commit such an act. Which (as practice shows) will not lead to anything good, but on the contrary, will force us to plunge more and more into a swamp of illusions and new difficulties, from which we ourselves will have to get out.
Disservice? For someone or for yourself?
Really for everyone. And it is true. Sex is not only an enjoyable business, but also voluntary, which should happen by mutual desire. Only in this case it will be possible to fully enjoy all the delights of such a relationship and feel happy and satisfied.
Otherwise, this is a kind of violence against yourself and rendering a disservice to the person whom you decided to do “well”, having pity on him or succumbing to sentimentality. As a result, nothing good comes of this, and in practice, two remain victims. And instead of the expected feeling of relief or a fulfilled duty comes the feeling of disappointment. And it’s good if you can draw the right conclusions from this. It is much more scary when it seems that once was not enough and the result must be consolidated. And this is the road to nowhere.
Below we will focus on some of the main reasons why people go for sex as a favor, and try to make reasonable arguments for each case why you shouldn’t.
1. Desire to keep the relationship
Most often, this position is inherent in young women, who naively believe that they can maintain a relationship with sex. Because of this, they are even ready to part with their virginity, as they think that by doing such a favor to their boyfriend, they will cause him a special interest in their person or even a feeling of love. What the guys enjoy and enjoy. Counter-argument Sex is undoubtedly an important part of the relationship between a man and a woman, but it is by no means fundamental, except in rare individual cases. So do not indulge yourself with the illusion that by giving yourself you will change something in the relationship or make it stronger. In fact, if a person has feelings for you, and you are dear to him, he will never put sex at the forefront. And if he does, then it says the opposite – you are not a bit dear to him. So don’t waste your time, it’s not worth it.
2. Make others happy
Most likely, this can be called a complex or narcissism, which, as a rule, is most often inherent in men. They believe that sleeping with a woman (or rather a lot of women) will do them an incredible favor and make them happy to be in their bed.
Counterargument
Are you sure that you make others happy, not yourself? Do not assume that you are so unique and chosen. Moreover, the fair sex is very trusting, and perhaps you had sex with them only because they decided that they were cute to you and this would lead to a relationship. And some of them may even fall in love after the first night, and then suffer when they realize that their expectations were just a castle in the air and were used. What kind of happiness can we talk about in this case?
3. When you don’t want to, but you need to please your husband
Imagine that your husband has returned home (and if also from a business trip) and is passionately hungry for sex. And today you do not have the slightest desire for this: fatigue, a headache, no mood, etc. But, nevertheless, in order not to offend anyone, you go on about his desires, so as not to upset or disappoint. Sound familiar, isn’t it? Counter – argument Okay, you did a similar favor, so what? Do you think that lying like a log or with a disgruntled face gave it a lot of pleasure to your partner and proved that you are a “hot thing” and an ideal lover who does what she thinks about sex? No really. The effect will be completely opposite, and you minus a few points in karma. Where would it be more correct and wiser to say everything as it is, to postpone closeness for later, and tomorrow, together and with pleasure, plunge into the world of all-consuming passion. Moreover, such a short abstinence will make sex much more desirable and vivid.
4. During the breakup
It’s great when a relationship lasts a lifetime. When they are strong, sincere and trusting. But sometimes it happens that parting is inevitable. The reasons for this may be different, but nevertheless they are. And you, perfectly aware that this cannot be avoided, try to smooth out this moment and atone for your “guilt” by continuing to meet only for sex that does not bring pleasure, but (as it seems) will help the ex or ex to accept the new reality and it is easier to experience what happened.
Counter-argument
As they say – after a fight they don’t wave their fists. And if everything happened, it has already happened, and sex is certainly not glue? which can glue a broken cup. No need to do favors. Show wisdom and willpower, do not follow the lead of emotions. Take a few days and you will see that sex would be redundant.
5. Out of pity or out of gratitude
As a rule, this happens in the case of close people or friends whom you want to console or do something nice for them. Or, to thank the person for something who helped with something and does not breathe evenly towards you, and you have nothing for him but elementary sympathy.
The counter argument
Gratitude is good, but you have to choose the right way to do it. Well, between pity and compassion, there is a huge request. By taking pity on the person, you are doing them a disservice by relaxing them and discouraging them from getting better or moving on. Moreover, people whom one wants to feel sorry for are often skillful manipulators. Well, an act for which you are ready to repay in this way can be artificial and deliberate. Don’t be fooled!
6. Sex as a favor to the boss
The fact that men in leadership positions very often rely on sex with their handsome subordinates is no secret to anyone. And in a similar situation, there was more than one girl. Some agree, others don’t. Why do they agree? Yes, because sometimes it’s scary to refuse the boss for the reason that you can lose your job. So you have to compromise with yourself and do a seemingly insignificant favor.
Counter-argument
Where there is one, there are two, and three, and … Do not indulge yourself with the illusion that this will be just a one-time action. In the best case, you can become the boss’s mistress, even if he does not have a wife who can significantly ruin your life. Well, at worst, all your work will be reduced only to pleasing your boss, and there can be no question of career growth or interesting work. Of course, as long as you don’t bother him.
Let’s think soberly
All decisions must be made with a warm heart and a cold mind. But in this case, everything is exactly the opposite. The heart does not pound, and the mind is in a state of chaos. Can a decision made in such a state be even a little correct and reasonable?
Therefore, in no case go on about pity or a sense of duty. Moreover, some people who know you well can manipulate this. As a result, they get theirs, and you become a toy in their hands, or, to be precise, a sex doll that satisfies not only their sexual needs, but also satisfies their ego, since they managed to achieve their goal and persuade you to intimacy.