About love, about love, about love: to serve or not to serve – that is the question.
“Love is not to be earned.” With such a debatable remark, a video began with a speech to a wide audience by the famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky , an authoritative, but somewhat outrageous person, aimed at showing himself and his statements, often far from life in its natural flow.
Is it worth agreeing with him only because of his influence in the field of psychology, remembering, for example, that psychologists have the most problematic children and that they themselves are often people with an unsettled personal life? I will not rush to accept what has been said, and I do not advise you, – a fair question from the author of the article SV
Love is not the square of the hypotenuse: or why the square of the relationship is not equal to the sum of the squares of the efforts invested in it
Each of us has our own accounts with love. Almost always unpaid: they loved us – we were indifferent, we loved – we were not given reciprocity or what we understand by reciprocity.
Alas, and this is a fact, we all see differently what it means to “love us” – there is often a very serious list of requirements for how a feeling must be shown in order for us to admit that we are loved …
Whether love is “deserved” or not, we still want to love. Or is being loved more important to us? Here you need to understand. We just don’t have enough love. We need that feeling was reciprocated. Is it possible to make this simple, such an understandable wish come true?
Mature M. Labkovsky advises an ardent young man who seeks the sympathy of a girl not to try to arouse reciprocity in her: “If you don’t go into a relationship, leave her.” Everything is simple. But it was not there. I think our psychologist himself was passionate and persistent, and there were enough difficulties in his personal relationships, but now, when he took place, he can afford not to try, not to look for a female location (not her, so different), the heart is cold.
This is not about love, but about partnership: you suit me, I suit you too, why don’t we play love.
Therefore, I consider his words not so much as wise advice, but as the position of a person who does not really need all this. And you and I need it. This woman. This and no other person.
It is She
Quite often you can hear from handsome young men that they are single, that they are not chosen. Their less interesting comrades have already built more than one relationship, but nothing here. When you point out that he is interesting to this one and this one, you hear in response: “I need the one that I need . ” Can not argue with that.
And what do you want to do with this, dear Labkovsky ? Tell him about his childhood traumas, about “misconceptions about love that have developed due to parents”? I won’t. There is no point in looking back at the past and dragging old skeletons into a new life.
There are many examples of how harmonious families left people who did not know how to build relationships and were left alone, and there are enough cases when wonderful partners came out of difficult families, loving and evoking reciprocal feelings.
Therefore, we will say thank you to our parents for all the lessons, good and bad, that we received from them, and we will immediately put an end to our childhood, because the time has come to live and build on our own.
If you can’t, but really want to
“You won’t be forced to be nice.” Or will you?
It seems that everything is reasonable: love is either there or not, you are either needed or you are not needed. Well, put an end to the feeling, if a woman does not show sympathy?
It is known that, nevertheless, relationships can grow from simple communication into more. It all depends on our temperament, the ability to build relationships and, of course, on how attractive we are to a partner (and, as we have already found out, this is not about appearance).
Path 1. “Sexual” question
Gender matters in how tame desirable partners are.
You won’t like it, but the truth is that a man is easier to get used to the idea of this or that partner. Because women are more likely to ensure that a man still chooses her.
There are many cases when a man over time strongly grew to a woman and began to feel great tenderness for her, although at the first stage he did not like her at all, even more than that: the way she smelled, the way she spoke, her legs, hair color – everything caused dislike. But they were introduced by relatives, and this often obliges …. And he accepted, and now he is satisfied with life and her.
What about women. Here everything is somewhat different.
is important for a woman that a man be pleasant to her, and if this is not the case, it will be almost impossible to step over.
Why almost? There is a type of pragmatic women for whom feelings are secondary. Become interesting to her, and you will get it. So, my mother was crazy about shoulder straps, she didn’t like dad at all (although he was popular with women), but he was an officer, and she married him. Special case, you say. No, it’s not uncommon!
Path 2. Cherry on the cake
I repeat once again: become interesting to her, but rather BECOME INTERESTING FOR OTHERS. Please note that at school, girls often fall in love with one boy, and not necessarily a handsome one, it’s just that someone liked him (“probably there is something in him”), and this attitude spreads to the majority like an epidemic (by the way, it’s not at all necessary that then everything will be just as wonderful with women …).
But those who sat in the shadows are gradually strengthening, building a pretty future for themselves: they are satisfied, happy, these yesterday’s, “modest knights”, and the woman cannot but be charmed by your confidence – the old idols are left, and long live the new king.
So the one you dreamed about sometimes wrote, wanting to make sure that the feeling was still alive, suddenly somehow it would become friendlier and more tender. This is about reasonable and practical women, which are the majority.
Path 3. Shall we play a game of chess?
If she is not conceited and brilliance is not important to her (there are some), then here you can and should walk a horse. Enlist the help of her friends (you can through your own comrades who are on friendly terms with them). From people she trusts, she will hear about how good, reliable you are, and water and stone wear away – and she will let it into herself.
The thing is, women are suggestible . And if you do not press, but act indirectly, she will begin to perceive this thought of you as a worthy partner, as her own. And he will go forward. Checked repeatedly: no mines. Works.
Path 4. Love
Everything that was talked about earlier, of course, was more about falling in love. If we are talking about love, then it will not work to be a chess player.
What is left in this case? Just love, and maybe she will answer your feelings herself. If not, you are still lucky, love is too rare. No one will be able to survive this. A survey was conducted, and a large majority said that there were hobbies and passion, but love never happened. And it happened to you.